Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize