honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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