3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
