just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
