Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
