don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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