haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
