My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
