So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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