I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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