I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
