addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
