i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
you had me at cake vodka
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
