So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
