Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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