we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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