I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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