Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
