My friends, they love my intelligence
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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