There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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