Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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