I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
