she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
