So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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