i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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