I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
