wakey wakey hands off snakey
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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