I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I showed him my bush... on skype.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
porn star boner night. come get it.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
