Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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