I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
