I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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