He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
