if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
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