if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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