can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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