I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
