pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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