That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
