Pants 0. Shit 1.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
