now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
lol hangovers are for mortals.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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