Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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