when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize