They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
