I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
