Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Randomize
