Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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