I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
what day is it and did you see me today?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
