I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
