my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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