Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize