ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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