No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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