You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
