He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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