Only a mothe r could love this liver
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
