Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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