im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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