That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
