im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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