grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize