i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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