dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
