I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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